Walking down memory lane

Nikhil says he is amazed to see how I so clearly remember my past. It’s true. It amazes me too. Little incidents which seem most likely to have faded away from the realm of the mind, comes to mind when I am least expecting it. My life so far has been extremely eventful and to add to it, I have a legendary memory so nothing escapes it. But off late it is getting quite difficult for me to carry on this way. My past interferes with my present making my life hell most of the times. At times I feel, I am so full of my past that I am finding it difficult to be in the present, to deal with my life.

I wish to empty myself, a little every day till I am ready to contain my present and this is my first attempt to it. While writing this, I thought of Sweta – well, let’s start with Sweta. I met her first in the September of 1994 at a coaching class. Though she was in the same class as mine, I had somehow failed to notice her. On the first appearance, she appeared someone who came straight from the late 60’s with the kind of skirt and sandals she wore. She gradually came to be someone closest to my heart. It’s been more than fourteen years since I first met her. She is married and has a baby girl. We were opposites – she was beautiful, well behaved, sang horribly, was fun to be with. I was cute, tomboyish, fat, sang far better than her, was fun to be with too. And I guess that’s where we clicked – We wore naughty boy shoes to school, inspite of the constant reminder “you are supposed to act like a lady” , wore watches ten times larger than the size of our wrists, had our socks folded always, and we fought! That’s how people spotted us. We fought and we fought till we had things our way. It thrilled us, gave a joy which only we could feel. There were others things we did which gave us immense pleasure like, placing boards pin on the chair where Mr. Jha would sit, or flattening the tyre of Mr. Pradip’s scooter. We didn’t believe in verbal abuses, it had to be fists. I remember the time in class 8, when Poonam’s glasses went flying off. It was great. I remember the time when, Sweta sang so horribly and so loudly that it caught Mrs. Banerjee’s attention and need I mention we were thrown out of the class. And to Sweta’s guts she continued singing and teaching me the lyrics of the song “Mustafa Mustafa”. We were good at studies so grades were never a problem but we were jealous and competitive. Come exams and it saw the other part to us – most of the times we ended up getting more –or –less the same grades though I always beat her at that ..Yes Yes Yes! She had crushes on the same people as I and we secretly discussed about it before classes, in between classes, after classes, during breaks, after breaks, in the bus, while walking back home, over the telephone, over coffee, over lunch, in the toilets, outside the male teachers’ toilet – the only time we didn’t discuss was when with the concerned person. Then we were at our best trying to impress him in our own stupid way.

We used love calculators - day in and day out. Sweta and I both loved drawing as well as singing. She loved dancing, I loved books. She loved shopping, I did too but vegetables and grocery. She had loads of admirers, I had close to none. She looked up to me to come up with lines dipped in venom or with a strong sarcastic tone. She enjoyed it. It thrilled her as I sat besides her commenting on everyone and everything. We laughed till it hurt our tummies. We loved picnics, it gave us a chance for adventure and we turned wild. For 11 and 12th she moved to a different school. I stayed back. Life was still the same. We spent most of the times with each other. Around that time I took a keen interest in astrology, palmistry and handwriting analysis. She was busy with her so many admirers. It never much bothered me. Our lives were always quite different. We were different yet were quite similar. We chose to walk two different paths and each had to be alone in the journey. Time just flew – never realized when we grew from being those two little school girls wearing skirts to girls going to college. Sweta stayed back in Siliguri, I moved to Kolkata. Things remained unchanged. Nothing could come in between us. We understood each other just perfectly.

After my college I went to Mudra for my post graduation, specializing in advertising, Sweta still was at Siliguri. Life changed for me completely at Mudra. I loved every bit of it. I became independent beyond recognition. I discovered a part of me which still was hidden. I discovered Me and this changed me and my life forever. Hadn’t I gone to Mudra, I would have been married too by now – horribly frustrated and wanting to cut all ties unlike Sweta. Call it a love for freedom or a stubbornness to lead life my way, call it a dislike to share my space with someone or a fear of being close to someone, call it a disgust for household chores and the mundane routine or the running away from it, Call it a desire to break away from the rules laid down or the burning desire to do something, I chose a different path. I haven’t seen much of her lately but I know she is there. She is married to a wonderful man and I am sure her daughter looks as beautiful as she is. Inspite of all this closeness, a part of me has always stood hidden from her, a vital part of my life. I have always been quite wary about sharing myself completely with someone- it might have been a fear of exposing my true self, a fear of rejection or simply a never-in-a-mood to share. But yes she is a very special part of my life. I am waiting to return to India and catch up with her. So many incidents lie hidden behind these various layers of months, seasons and years of knowing her. A few of the things common between us-

Bright coaching centre, Mewad icecream, Picnics, Sachin Sharad Rahul; Ms Jhumki and her moped, Raja Sir, and their romantic encounters; Sanjay Sir and Ms Grower and “ Ajee sunte hain, thoda chana lake dijiye na” or “aap chup rahiye”, Suraj Anant Praveen Anuj and the Maggi Quiz, Ashok and his zero and mayuri dance ha ha ha! Pradeep Sir and Circus, Hirawat and the Kadamtala, Prateek and Nawab :O) The list can go on and on …Those few years really made me strong and equipped me with the confidence and attitude which I would need in the coming years.