Daddy's Little girl

“Papa, what about Mr Mehta’s order? He called up today, again. How long do you think this truckers’ strike will last?”
“Hmmmn…it’s quite difficult to say sweetheart…”, and he looked at the seat next to him.

Suddenly, he stopped the car with a jerk. The world around him came to a grinding halt. It took a painstakingly long moment for him to realize that he was all alone and that he was driving back home and that his little girl – his heart throb wasn’t with him. He had got so used to her constant chatter, her infectious laughter…

“Honey, No one expects a girl to be laughing this way. Don’t you think it’s high time you learnt how to laugh like a lady?”
“Papa, does it really matter? I mean the way I laugh. It’s the way I am and everybody around me just loves it. They say it kind of suits my personalite.” And with that she gave her dad a huge smile. He had no other option but to smile back.
He was extremely fond of her, there was an air about her – it wasn’t the don’t_care_attitude. She was like a Breeze – a cheerful, happy adolescent whose mere presence brightened up so many lives.

The constant honking of the cars behind brought him crashing back to reality. He started his ignition once again. It had never taken so long as it took today. He switched on the FM. The silence in the Car was unbearable. FM today was a big relief – it helped him escape into a world that wasn’t the “Present”. The FM played “Hello! Is it me you are looking for?” He could feel his eyes turn moist. It used to be her favourite song…She got so involved with the songs ( singing was her passion) that often she had to be reminded she was sitting in the car and it wasn’t her bedroom that she could do whatever she wanted. But he never wanted her to change. In spite of his constant nagging, he knew deep within that his little girl couldn’t let the child inside her die. It surfaced every now and then, amidst giggles, amidst those silly jokes which she loved to crack, times when she was so excited that he felt he’d rather stop the car and calm her down lest she die out of ecstasy or times when he had to hug her while driving for she wouldn’t stop crying – so and so friend had hurt her and if you asked her , she’d point a finger at her heart and say “It’s hurts” and almost immediately you could see a trail of water streaming down her cheeks. Lying back on his driver’s seat, He’d often wondered,
“Will she ever grow up?” but the question he should have asked himself was “Do I really want her to grow up?”

Yes, She grew up. In a single moment.
The traffic lights turned Red. Damn it! Reality hit hard once more…
That night when they drove back, she was unusually quiet. She stared blankly out of the window.
“Do you want me to switch on the FM?”…There was silence. Perhaps she hadn’t heard what he said.
“Hey sweetheart, you want me to switch on the FM?” This time he said it a little louder, hoping she would respond. There was silence…

The world around her had suddenly drifted far away. The honking of the cars, the traffic lights, the sound of fast moving cars, of people on road, all seemed non-existent to her. She was so deep in thoughts. She looked so aloof that it scared him. Suddenly, she had built thick walls around herself, so thick that even if he were given a few lifetimes he wouldn’t be able to get through. He so badly wanted to hold her, hug her, apologize…

True, he had been extremely mad at the staffs. True,he should have had control over his anger. Only, when he had uttered those words, did he realize what he had done. He had lost his little girl forever. The weight of what he had said was so tremendous that he found it difficult to stand. He fell back on his chair with a heavy thud. His little girl didn’t cry like she normally would have. She was calm – as calm as an ocean but the ocean got most dangerous when it was calm. He saw a storm building inside her and he knew it would destroy her. He wanted to cry,

“Little girl, I’m sorry. I never meant it – Please Forgive me.” She was the most loved, the most wanted in his life. How could he have said those words? How could it have come out from his mouth?
In spite of being a child most of the times, she bore a strength that was unbelievable. Things/decisions never happened twice in her life – It was either a yes or a No.
“Papa, I really Love him a Lot.”
“Beta, I don’t want you to see him again. Is that Understood?”
He didn’t have to utter another word. She never brought back that subject again. He often wondered if she’d truly forgotten him or had she the capability of disguising her feelings so well. She smiled, She laughed- now and then she cried but everything happened so fast in her life , it was difficult to say what made her smile or what made her cry. – One moment she laughed, the next moment you saw her howling.

The traffic lights had long since turned green and people were throwing words at him. Everyone seemed in a hurry to get back home. Huh? He started the ignition once again. It never took so long to get back home. He hated the drive. He looked at the rear view mirror.
“Papa”, she exclaimed one day!
“Ya…”, the look on her face took him by surprise.
“I never realized you were so handsome”
He had blushed.
His hair had turned grey in a moment. He suddenly felt Old. His little girl understood him so well. Bits by bits incidents of the past came flashing by…He couldn’t take it anymore… and then the final outburst happened…
“Enough of your Nonsense. When will you be a little more responsible? Were you a Little more responsible you wouldn’t have lost a brother and I a son, 10 yrs back. I lost him all because of you, all because of your sheer carelessness. I am tired of you.”

He stopped the car. He screamed…
“Please forgive me. Come back to me. Your papa cannot live without you. He has been a bad daddy all through. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant what I said.” And he cried and he howled like a Baby…a cry that would have even melted a barbarian’s heart...he felt a pain inside – which a pregnant mother feels when all of a sudden she feels a quietness inside her belly and she realizes at once that she has lost her baby forever…”I am sorry little..”and with that he fell on his knees.

“That night, after they reached home, she sat on her favourite swing, still lost in thoughts. She sat there as quiet as a leaf on a branch when there is no wind to play with it. She had to be reminded that she was expected to have her dinner.
After dinner, she immediately went off to sleep. When he went to check on her, she was fast asleep…
Later that night, as he lay in his room, reading a book – today life was so full of things. He had read 80 pages yet he knew not what he had read. All he had in mind was his little girl. A slight knock on the door, He looked up from the book he had in his hand. There stood his little girl with a teddy bear in her hand.
“Can I sleep with you Papa?”
At last! After what seemed like a never ending phase she spoke. She had never slept with him ever. She always said “ I am a brave girl”. Even when she was 2 yrs of age she preferred doing things on her own.
She walked straight up to him and lay besides him – his arms around her little gal. She held him closely and fell asleep. As she slept, he ran his fingers through her hair. How could he have hurt her? He held her closer than ever. He was too scared to loose her. He lay there wondering why she had wanted to sleep with him. Did it really matter? He was so relieved, he slept peacefully with his arms around his little girl he adored so much.
At around 2 a.m, she woke him up. He looked at her. ”Baby are you ok?” She looked different. It kind of scared him. He realized immediately. He cried. He held her closer.
“Papa..”, she spoke,” You still feel Bhai would have been with us if I were a little more careful?”
Before he could say something, she continued…”But I did all I could. He ran so fast, I couldn’t catch up to him and the next moment he was…” and she cried…
He took her in his arms, crying…” I stood there frozen. Bhai wanted me to know her brother was a He-man that he could jump from a 5th floor and yet not hurt himself. I told him I believed him but he wouldn’t listen. Papa I didn’t want him to die, I loved him so much. I miss him every moment of my life.”. with this she opened the zipper of her teddy’s belly and he had never realized until then why she loved her teddy so much – why she couldn’t part with it. Out flowed her bhai’s favourite toys – broken pieces of cars, his favourite airplane- a wing was left, his favourite pencil…the badge he loved to wear everytime he went out..a He-man…With it poured out letters that she had written to him – not one , not two.. but for the past 10 yrs since he left her…she hadn’t missed a single day. Letters on how much she missed him…He had thought , she had forgotten him with time. Perhaps there were occasions when he seemed to forget the fact that he had a son but she? never once.. He looked at her little girl..this girl who never spoke her mind out had today poured her heart out…”Papa, I didn’t want him to die…I loved him a lot..I cannot live without him.”
“Papa, Please forgive me. I love you a lot..” with this she squeezed her daddy’s hand and held him close one last time..His angel flew away ..far away..perhaps to where her brother was…her hands fell cold in his…
The FM had stopped playing..it had gotten too late..She had understood him that night too.He looked up at the sky – it was a star lit sky . Amongst them were two stars close by, whose brightness outshone the rest. They smiled below …He looked at them ..slowly a calmness came over him…he would always have his little girl around…she could never be to far away from her daddy.